We decided we were going to handle the divorce ourselves. No lawyers, no child support, no arguing.
I left the house and the life we'd built together for the past 12 years and I took my clothes and half the kids clothes to my parents house.
The boys and I lived there for a little over half a year. Mind you, I had recently been laid off from my job and now add a divorce on top of that.
It was stressful. There were days when the only thing that got me out of bed was my boys.
Now I know not everyone can do this, but I NEEDED to start my life over. I didn't know HOW I was going to do that, or what I was going to do for money, I just knew that if I didn't do it NOW, I never would have.
I was too proud to ask for money from anyone, so I made it work.
I began monetizing the thing I was already doing, sharing my life via social media. At some point I will get into all of that, and how I made money with that blog, which lead to many other business ventures.
At the time, I was making some extra money with AdvoCare, just by sharing the products I was taking, loving and getting great results with. So I decided to switch gears and focus on my AdvoCare business, which is what allows me to be a flexible work from home mom today.
You can watch my entire AdvoCare story HERE.
Back to the split... It was hard.
All the things you acquire together over the course of 12 years is a lot.
I wanted none of it. I wanted to grow and bloom into this person I was becoming. I wanted to buy things with my own money (that I had NONE of at that time). I wanted to be independent and know I could support not only myself, but the boys too.
I hadn't had to balance a checkbook since I was 18, my ex husband controlled all of the money, which left me feeling clueless and powerless. I had been taken care of for 12 years, so being on my own, now with two kids to support, terrified me.
This is where I was really tested. Where my mindset went from corporate employee to entrepreneur. I started thinking in terms of survival. How much money did I need to move out of my parents house and into my own house? How much money did I need to furnish the entire house and all of things I'd left behind?
I remember the very first thing I bought on my own was bunk beds for the boys. I was so proud of those bunk beds, because it symbolized hope for me. Hope that I could do this, that I could fully support them and give them everything they needed.
The hardest part was watching the boys through all of it. They were 4 and 2 at the time and all they knew was mommy and daddy together, in the same house.
It broke my heart into a million pieces the first time my 2 year old asked me "mommy, when are we going home?" while laying in bed one night at my parents house.
I had to force back the tears in my eyes.
I will never forget that moment and how ashamed and broken I felt.
I felt responsible, like I was letting them down, like we'd never be a family again, like I could have tried harder for them.
And I tried, for years I tried. There is only so much a person can take and although it was harder now that I had them to think about, I knew in my heart of hearts I was making the right decision.
I am here to tell you, if you are going through something similar, cling to your babies. They need you and you need them in times like that.
I am also here to tell you, it gets better.
I don't know another way to say that, but I hope you truly believe that it DOES.
Sometimes we are just so caught up in the NOW, that we can't imagine it being any better.
We think we will always feel broken and the wounds will never heal.
They do.
My ex and I have a good relationship now. We are friends, we attend school functions together, take the boys places together, and keep the boys first.
I am the absolute happiest I have ever been and the boys are thriving. They don't see mommy and daddy's divorce as a bad thing. They know we are still a family, and if anything, they have seen their mommy AND daddy both grow immensely through it. We are both better people now.
I never want to be an advocate for divorce. I know many people can work through hard things together and grow together, and I have major respect for those people, we just weren't them.
It is not easy to coparent. You have to be selfless and forgiving.
But aren't you already that way with your children?
Why do our (ex)spouses not deserve the same?
If you are holding on to something, let it go. You deserve peace, and your children do too.
We all deserve forgiveness, even if that means forgiving yourself first.
xo
